just stop controlling

i was afraid and lost , and still have my fears i can;t deny , but in a way it is not over taking me that strong as before .

well , let me tell you what was happening ....surprisingly i found my self in closed circle of bad thoughts ,surrounded by fears and frustration , i tried to make my self happy more than once , but i just forget what were my best ideas out , i was helpless with no intention or effort ,

i surrendered to the beasts of bad thoughts , and that was my idea to feed them with my surrender , and to make them grow , and if i was lucky enough they will kill me and eat me up and then i will end my misery for good .. metaphoric of course

but out of no where a breeze of hope touched my face , it was overwhelming feeling took the control of my wild beast i created

i cant say it is new feeling for me to feel like this , but it was a moment of truth to my self after a long time of suffering , all the bad thoughts and all my fears controlled me for long time, even i listend to my friends saying that you will survive you are strong , but i didn't see this , i am weak and i am enjoying my weakness now , leave me alone i said.

all their advises didn't help ,how i can stop what i can't control !! i listened to writers and motivation sessions , and non helped me that fast , but recognizing for one second that i have now a very precious thing i am ruining by thinking of future .

as much as we appreciate what we have as much we are afraid to lose it , and this what make us stressed and lost , but if we give our selves time to realize that we already miss it now by all our intentions , we will not lose what is in our hands to what is not.

and believe it or not you have not any control on any thing, the only thing you control is the effort you do to reach the surface again , or you will stay down for ever !

that was my letter to my self and to you ,

Eve ,

In a Circus Called Life

In a circus called life I met you , I was there between the crowed enjoying your plays , I laughed and i cried amazingly surprised… then your eyes looked inside me , you pulled me out of myself ,I felt your sadness and your hidden pain I saw you behind the mask… I was captured by the power of your magic

I came every day searching for you, a day after day you stole my life away,

Painted me with your colors one by one

and now I can’t see my face I can’t feel myself again , I only see a clown lost in your life

I don’t know when or where I lost my memories, I just remember your stories, parts of your life and your sorrows become mine!

I looked myself in your world between your animals, I dropped my life , and I now see the truth, a lie named love, you needed a soul and you took mine

The only trace of me was an old hot tear I shed over myself, and even that one your hands took away by the name of love!!

Lost in your life and that is not love, Love was never to be one it is always to stay two, let me out of your painted world , give me my life back out of your circus , let me remember myself again …….

Eve ,,

follow your heart ...

follow your heart , where ever it takes you , face hard and good times, but don't wast your life in the safe garden , such place never exists

enter your forest and discover your deep strengths , use all what God gave you years before you born ..feel it all

feel love give love and take all your chances , it may fails you , and takes all your hope away , leaving you in the dark with sorry for your self , feel that too

and then give it up and open your window again re grow hope in your gardens again , and watch it growing till you be strong enough to take another chance and live it too till the end ..

what ever happens to you what ever it takes till you meet your Adam , or till you meet your Eve , don't despair , don't lose your seeds of hope ...

Eve ,

I Love You . .

I have a confession . .

That comes from the heart . .
I love you . .

I have loved your from the start . .
I love the way you are looking to me . .

I even love hearing you speak . .
I love everything about you . .

I love the way you are so unique . .
I love you . .

But I just can’t say . .
I love you . .

And wish things would be different one day . .

Sitting By the Window . .

Loneliness is the feeling . .
We all try to hide . .
When we just need a tender touch . .
But no one at our side . .
Nothing but silence . .
And there is no other sound . .
Only the echo of our voice . .
Is all around . .
And sitting by the window. .
Not knowing what to do . . ?!
Since Every time i do something . .
Something else falls through . . !!!

RoU,

The Roller Coaster Love !

Everyday in loving you is like riding the roller coaster!!
Nobody knows when will be the Ups . . . !!!
Or when the Downs will happen. . !!!
No rules . . No warnings . .
With you all come in sudden . .!!!
Sometimes I believe it is meant to be. ..
So what the hell is going wrong . . . ??!
Do I search for love in you . . .
Where it doesn’t really belong . . !!!

Should I . . . ?!

Thinking of you every day. .
I wish you would know. .

I wish I could say. .
Loads of feelings are inside. .
And Million of thoughts are running through my mind. .
You & Me. . !
Is it possible . . ??!
Us … Is it meant to be. . !!
"SIGH". . I don’t know what to do. . !!!
Should I lock my feelings up...???!
Or Should I confess to you . . ?!

RoU,