just stop controlling

i was afraid and lost , and still have my fears i can;t deny , but in a way it is not over taking me that strong as before .

well , let me tell you what was happening ....surprisingly i found my self in closed circle of bad thoughts ,surrounded by fears and frustration , i tried to make my self happy more than once , but i just forget what were my best ideas out , i was helpless with no intention or effort ,

i surrendered to the beasts of bad thoughts , and that was my idea to feed them with my surrender , and to make them grow , and if i was lucky enough they will kill me and eat me up and then i will end my misery for good .. metaphoric of course

but out of no where a breeze of hope touched my face , it was overwhelming feeling took the control of my wild beast i created

i cant say it is new feeling for me to feel like this , but it was a moment of truth to my self after a long time of suffering , all the bad thoughts and all my fears controlled me for long time, even i listend to my friends saying that you will survive you are strong , but i didn't see this , i am weak and i am enjoying my weakness now , leave me alone i said.

all their advises didn't help ,how i can stop what i can't control !! i listened to writers and motivation sessions , and non helped me that fast , but recognizing for one second that i have now a very precious thing i am ruining by thinking of future .

as much as we appreciate what we have as much we are afraid to lose it , and this what make us stressed and lost , but if we give our selves time to realize that we already miss it now by all our intentions , we will not lose what is in our hands to what is not.

and believe it or not you have not any control on any thing, the only thing you control is the effort you do to reach the surface again , or you will stay down for ever !

that was my letter to my self and to you ,

Eve ,