Between Love & Anger. . !!

I know that I still don’t really know you, but guess what?! You became a part of my everyday thoughts !!! And when I think about you there is always no middle ground !!! Whether if feels like great love or great anger. .!!



A great love, because you would never imagine how you changed me and my mind !! you made me think about things I may be had never thought about before . . . and when I am around you and act like I don’t care is because I couldn’t find a way to love you more !!!!!


But a great anger, because I am at a point when I am ready  to risk everything just to have you in my life, while you still can’t decide what to do or what’s next !!!!!!


This is how I have been feeling for months now, and I am not sure for how long I will be able to take such pressure !!!!!

A Crumbled Paper . .

A crumbled paper. .
Full of thoughts about you. .
Written with my valuable ink of love. .
Which is so real and so true. .
A crumbled paper . .
With Imprinted words of passion. .
That will never fade away. .
Telling our story . .

I wish could reveal . . someday !

RoU

Alone

Before I met you I was waiting for you... dreaming of the day to see you, the day I become complete, and now I found you my perfect half, my soul mate.

And now surprisingly I realized, I was single but never alone, my books and my friends filled my empty spaces for long, they were always my best company but I never thought it was enough.

that was strange, when I felt your love, and I finally met you, all of the sudden I felt loneliness!!! How this could happen!!

I am counting the minutes while you are away pushing hours to move , and with you time flaw breaking the roles ...hours are seconds and days are dreams.

you enlarged my life expanded my spaces , my heart and my fears too, you are giving me bigger life , bigger dreams and nothing is helping me any more… and I need you all the time to fill my increased spaces, this is my only explanation I think.

Please help me to find a way, How I can be with you all the time and never feel this loneliness again..

I am alone more than I was ever before you , i am burning on a fire of missing you

I love you to an extent that turns your complete presence into killing loneliness by the fear of losing you….

and turns the distances between us to gardens of Tranquility and comfort by the hope of meeting you ….

And till I meet you I am waiting and I will always be dreaming of those beautiful seconds near your heart enjoying my loneliness with hope….

Eve ,

Look Into your Heart . .

Would you do a favor for me . . ?!
Look into your heart . .
And tell me what you see . . .
Do you find love . . ???
If yes , is it true . . ??!
Do what I feel . .
Could ever happen to you . .
Please tell me what is inside and look into my eye . .
Don’t leave me that way. . !
Confused & wondering why . .
Tell me . . . and I promise to wait forever. .
With all my love. .
Till the day we will be together . .

RoU,

just stop controlling

i was afraid and lost , and still have my fears i can;t deny , but in a way it is not over taking me that strong as before .

well , let me tell you what was happening ....surprisingly i found my self in closed circle of bad thoughts ,surrounded by fears and frustration , i tried to make my self happy more than once , but i just forget what were my best ideas out , i was helpless with no intention or effort ,

i surrendered to the beasts of bad thoughts , and that was my idea to feed them with my surrender , and to make them grow , and if i was lucky enough they will kill me and eat me up and then i will end my misery for good .. metaphoric of course

but out of no where a breeze of hope touched my face , it was overwhelming feeling took the control of my wild beast i created

i cant say it is new feeling for me to feel like this , but it was a moment of truth to my self after a long time of suffering , all the bad thoughts and all my fears controlled me for long time, even i listend to my friends saying that you will survive you are strong , but i didn't see this , i am weak and i am enjoying my weakness now , leave me alone i said.

all their advises didn't help ,how i can stop what i can't control !! i listened to writers and motivation sessions , and non helped me that fast , but recognizing for one second that i have now a very precious thing i am ruining by thinking of future .

as much as we appreciate what we have as much we are afraid to lose it , and this what make us stressed and lost , but if we give our selves time to realize that we already miss it now by all our intentions , we will not lose what is in our hands to what is not.

and believe it or not you have not any control on any thing, the only thing you control is the effort you do to reach the surface again , or you will stay down for ever !

that was my letter to my self and to you ,

Eve ,

In a Circus Called Life

In a circus called life I met you , I was there between the crowed enjoying your plays , I laughed and i cried amazingly surprised… then your eyes looked inside me , you pulled me out of myself ,I felt your sadness and your hidden pain I saw you behind the mask… I was captured by the power of your magic

I came every day searching for you, a day after day you stole my life away,

Painted me with your colors one by one

and now I can’t see my face I can’t feel myself again , I only see a clown lost in your life

I don’t know when or where I lost my memories, I just remember your stories, parts of your life and your sorrows become mine!

I looked myself in your world between your animals, I dropped my life , and I now see the truth, a lie named love, you needed a soul and you took mine

The only trace of me was an old hot tear I shed over myself, and even that one your hands took away by the name of love!!

Lost in your life and that is not love, Love was never to be one it is always to stay two, let me out of your painted world , give me my life back out of your circus , let me remember myself again …….

Eve ,,

follow your heart ...

follow your heart , where ever it takes you , face hard and good times, but don't wast your life in the safe garden , such place never exists

enter your forest and discover your deep strengths , use all what God gave you years before you born ..feel it all

feel love give love and take all your chances , it may fails you , and takes all your hope away , leaving you in the dark with sorry for your self , feel that too

and then give it up and open your window again re grow hope in your gardens again , and watch it growing till you be strong enough to take another chance and live it too till the end ..

what ever happens to you what ever it takes till you meet your Adam , or till you meet your Eve , don't despair , don't lose your seeds of hope ...

Eve ,

I Love You . .

I have a confession . .

That comes from the heart . .
I love you . .

I have loved your from the start . .
I love the way you are looking to me . .

I even love hearing you speak . .
I love everything about you . .

I love the way you are so unique . .
I love you . .

But I just can’t say . .
I love you . .

And wish things would be different one day . .

Sitting By the Window . .

Loneliness is the feeling . .
We all try to hide . .
When we just need a tender touch . .
But no one at our side . .
Nothing but silence . .
And there is no other sound . .
Only the echo of our voice . .
Is all around . .
And sitting by the window. .
Not knowing what to do . . ?!
Since Every time i do something . .
Something else falls through . . !!!

RoU,

The Roller Coaster Love !

Everyday in loving you is like riding the roller coaster!!
Nobody knows when will be the Ups . . . !!!
Or when the Downs will happen. . !!!
No rules . . No warnings . .
With you all come in sudden . .!!!
Sometimes I believe it is meant to be. ..
So what the hell is going wrong . . . ??!
Do I search for love in you . . .
Where it doesn’t really belong . . !!!

Should I . . . ?!

Thinking of you every day. .
I wish you would know. .

I wish I could say. .
Loads of feelings are inside. .
And Million of thoughts are running through my mind. .
You & Me. . !
Is it possible . . ??!
Us … Is it meant to be. . !!
"SIGH". . I don’t know what to do. . !!!
Should I lock my feelings up...???!
Or Should I confess to you . . ?!

RoU,

falling a part

I hate this feeling , I am filled with anger , i wish i could scream , but I don’t have enough energy to do so .. , this is increasing the heat inside me … no it is not heat it is so cold inside me , I miss you and i hate this about you.

I miss the warmth you gave me.. I feel so cold with out you... I don’t miss your love as much I miss your voice

how could I will adapt your absence, my loneliness in crowd …please come back to me again … please be the one i used to know , not the one i am afraid to meet ... i will never tell you that , i just speak it to my self in low voice away from you ..

Do not fall apart again... I am trying to convince my self, to stop obsessing over you ... in vain, keeping my self together is so hard to do alone .

I seriously believed you are my soul mate... What was the purpose to be in my life to break my heart and to let me down? was it your mission to proved that i am so weak to stand alone !!.

Eve,

it hurts

Now you know that it hurts! You feel it so late, you played the role of the wise and you could not complete.

Let me tell you then, the feelings of me , a woman as you may see ..

to hurt a woman you do not need much, a simple easy word could wound and kill sometimes

Her feelings are so delicate and soft, like petals of flowers, and she knows how to blossom in every season with a new scent... A real woman finds a way to make an everlasting spring .

When she opens her heart door to you and gives you the keys, only not to lock you in.

You are not supposed to leave and return whenever you want, she hopes you enter and stay and when you go there is no way back, she will change the lock the minute you leave.

To love you by my choice and to keep you in my heart with all your freedom

But you betrayed me, when you thought you could own me. I treated you as a master and you treated me as a slave

I was watching you saying those words, and trying to prove that it was not you... but ooh it was you

Then I thought no it is not me you are talking to... but ooh it was me ,,

Then I thought no it is a dream , a night mare , but you prove it , wake up fool it is all true ..

Now you expect me to forgive! Or to forget or to pretend that it wasn't real !

Saying sorry don’t heal , it may cover my pain , to make me continue , but with out you ..

I am not sure of any thing now, I was only sure of you …

I used to lean on your shoulder, and then every thing was all right... Nothing seems right now... I lost your shoulder and you lost my trust

Eve,

I have a crush on You

I don’t know why . .
But I have a crush on you . .
You always cross my mind . .
I even dream about you . .
Do you feel the same . . .
I don’t think you do . . !

At times I decide to reveal . .
The big secret I have . .
But wondering what would you say . .
About the feeling I do feel . .

May be I am not your type . .
Or not the girl you are waiting for . .
It really hurts as much as it seems . .
Or even may be more...

Thinking of you is not really enjoyable . .
In fact it is painful & no body will ever know . .
Because I am not a little girl . . !!
I am older than doing so . . .

RoU,,

Cinderella dream

Perfectly as a fairy tale, in my white glowing dress and you are coming to me my beautiful prince

Taking my hand out of my magical coach ,helping me to stand right beside you

You came to me like a shining star , astonishing me, smiling to my heart saying with your eyes what your words cannot show

Together in moon light, your eyes shine so bright.

I hear my melody the one I shared with you, '' a Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes'' like the old tales

Clouds were singing asking me to dance, and you spread your glance on every thing around.

Here is my best part of the love song , if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true…

Take me to the never land, where very thing is possible and wishes are true.

Hours flaw in hurry, all glow disappeared, and a whisper in my ear Wake up Cinderella it is just a dream.

Laying on my coach thinking of the dream watching my mug of coffee trying to believe and just realized that am in my white dress!!

Eve,

missing you

it is very hard to miss some one and dream to meet him and he is already there , and it is much harder to miss your self with him, the way he makes you feel , the tone you used to hear , it is like breathing and can't feel air….

It is not the distances that make you far, but the miles of loneliness you add in my way, locking your self in your far island and suffering alone each day, today is tomorrow and always like yesterday

Searching for you in your words, hearing some one voice sounds like yours

i may bear your absence for a wish of return but emptiness around you is a burning thing

Don't you miss home?! a time with me .

Eve,

Two Become One !

When everything goes right . . And all the troubles suddenly die .
When there is always the word WE . . Instead of the word I .
Then two become one . . .

When I am safe with you . . And my soul has a glow .
No one can see . . You only will know .
Then two become one . . .

When I am whole in your eyes . . And there is nothing more we need to hide .
I love what is beyond you . . And you love who I am inside .
Then two become one . . .

When you hold me so close . . looking at each other & realize .
this laughter we live . . The sparkle in our eyes .
Then two become one . . .

When there is one way to walk . . together for a life .
The day I can say I do . . The day I will be your wife .
Then two become one . . .

RoU ,

A way Into Your Brain !!

I wish I could make a way into your brain . . .
To get what are in there . . .
Predict when you will steal a look. . .
Or when you will stare . . .

I wish I could make a way into your brain . . .
So that I would simply know . . .
Do you enjoy making me confused!!!
Then why i am be perfectly treated!!! And why I am suddenly abused!!!

I wish I could make a way into your brain . . .
And snoop what are those lousy whispers about?
Would you raise your voice?
Would you mind shouting them out?!

I wish I could make a way into your brain. . .
Because a question should be answered. .
Do you act naturally or you are self-centered????

I wish I could make a way into your brain. .
And reveal what your eyes hide . . .
I want to look through them. .
And picture me in your mind. .

I wish I could make a way into your brain . . .
To follow your feelings and see. .
Are you generally unemotional . . . ?!
Or it is about me. .

RoU,,

Magical Way

Missing you my beautiful dream, how lonely i am and how long nights with out you..

i miss your tender voice that melts my sorrows, breaks my prison free my soul and brings me to you .

with every heart beat i think of you , i miss you, i need you here beside me , i dream of taking you to where you belong to the garden you planted in my life , inside my heart.

i can't remember when you planted those seeds of love inside my heart , i just remember how tender and sweet you cared after them , how you embrace them with your warmth .

i forgot how my life was with out you , as if i never lived before .

i need you for the rest of my life , i could be your slave if you were my master, i could be your prisoner if you were my prison , but the most i love about you is that you make me your queen ,you gave me my freedom and i chose your chains.

i could be your shadow if you just let me near, and i wish you could hear ,love was never for me that clear.

i thought it is a feeling for a need for some one or even a gift you may receive , i never thought that it is a journey not a destination , How fool i was thinking that i may find it that easy before .

Excuse my childish ideas, really you made me grow ... i became a woman only when you put your spell, when you let me see myself with your eyes,

your love is magical , it turns my dreams to reality my days to dreams , i now can't realize what is dream and what is real ...i just wake up to a dream and i sleep to meet you .

Eve,

To My Mystery Man

Dear Mystery Man ,,

Although we didn’t meet yet, but I really miss you !! You are never far from my heart or my mind. . !!

I could spend the rest of my life trying to describe how much you mean or how much you are needed and it still would not come close to the way I really feel. .
And despite all of the burdens I carry day after day, I still manage to smile for the reason that one day you will come to my life & take each broken piece of my heart and put it together like a puzzle. .

Ohhhh Mystery Man, I am tired of searching, and sometimes I want to free myself of thinking of you!! But it just amazes me how the little hope of being yours one day makes life worthwhile!!

May Allah bring us together very soon. . . & till then . .

I will be waiting for you. . Missing you

Yours forever,

RoU